Growing disintegration of marriages: causes and effects

“Man was not made for happiness, he is born for suffering; let him marry then, and hold his peace,” writes Will Durante in his famous ‘Pleasure of Philosophy.’

In the midst of our wars and machines, the basic reality is in life, neither in the politics nor industry but human relationships. The association of a man with a woman and of parents with a child - two relationships over whom the entire human life revolves around.

The theme of love and marriage, is the most primitive theme, which is constantly on the verge of varying degree in accordance with the changing modern values in the different parts of the world. Pakistani society is said to be the most complex and diversified in its cultural values. Sometimes a tradition being practiced at one place looks unconventional just at a few kilometers distance.

Different theories regarding disintegration of marriages have been evolved so for. However, the most cohesive role of breakdown of marriages amongst many, have been analyzed in globalization and modernization.

Arrangements of marriages have got a paradigm shift under the shadow of globalization. The whole world has become one village and people get married through internet and other modes without prior consent of their forefathers.

Lovers chat each others, decide to resort for marriage paying little heed to their cast, creed and culture. Therefore any emotional move results in disharmony among couples causing increase of divorce rates.

Getting immigration through marriage is emerging as an another feature of today’s life. Youngsters wants to get job in America, West or Middle East, as “this looks cheaper for them to make their future”.

However, castles which youngsters have built in the air dash to the ground as the players fail to come up to expectations. The very reason being the larger cultural gap that restrict different societies to assimilate each other.

Its just few years back when media disseminated series of information and updated to the masses. Media has significant role in globalization and modernization of the world.

A large number of families in Pakistan accuse Indian Channels forbreaking family units. Aslam and Asma and their colleagues have particularly mentioned the names of dramas as “Sas bhee kabhi bhoo thee”, “Kum Kum”, “Kahani Ghar Ghar ki”, “Raja ki Aei gee Baraat”, “Kis Desh Main Hay Mera Dil” etc.

“Look, the plot of every drama. It mainly deals in conspiracy among women busy against one another and reflects bad impacts in the family, resulting breaking of relationships”, they maintained unanimously.

Iftakhar Ahmad, a Rawalpindi based mill-owner is equally worried for his children in view of what he described the ongoing media revolution. “The current revolution of different kinds and specific information dissemination had not come up with our societal and cultural values,” he said.

“Sometimes, we have clear reflection of Indian TV channels and western portraying of images at our national and private channels that spoil the young generation,” Iftikhar claims.

He proposed to devise a common policy for all TV channels based on our own cultural and Islamic traditions enabling us to watch programmes with his children.

Modernization and Westeranization are also influencing the eastern values. America and West has been spending billions of dollars in third world countries to spread modernization. However complex phenomenon of modernization is not assimilating with the traditional Islamic society.

Our traditional poor women get inspired from modern culture but they are unable to meet the requirements of modern culture. So when they fail to match, the result is divorce.

Haroon Rashid, President of Islamabad Bar Association cites the media as changing the preferences of our society that impacts every section of life.

“Our culture cannot afford such a modernization of media which is set to change the preferences of our youth”, he said.

He termed that changing trends of marriages as thought provoking citing, “marriages without involvement of parents lead to increasing divorce.”

Haroon Rashid stressed the appointment of sperate family Judges for early disposal of the divorce cases.

He also called for following the teachings of Islam in letter and spirit.

Mujtaba Sherazi, a family-affair advocate, said,”choice is the order of the day”. However, he said, new couples should no more be restricted to abstain from their choices.

He said emancipation of media and education have provided ample opportunities to the youngsters to climb up the old boundaries built by our ancestors.

About question of increasing divorce rate among youth, he said, of course divorce rates too are getting higher but family courts are promptly disposing of the cases.

Now whatever the stances of the experts, one thing is established that our society cannot afford too much divorces. It would not ruin our social culture and norms but also result in ethical degradation. As we can also not deny the teachings of great religion, it is high time for scholars and mentors to draw a line to save our culture, norms and religious sanctity.

Pakistan public expect healing touch from Zardari

Islamabad - Ijaz Afridi, a school teacher, is indifferent to the election of Asif Ali Zardari as Pakistan’s new president. He is too busy with receiving condolences from visitors for his cousin, who was butchered by a suicide bomber together with 35 other people on Saturday, as lawmakers were voting for the new head of the state.

A single attacker in his twenties blew up his explosive-laden car after failing to cross a security checkpoint in a busy market just outside Peshawar, the capital of North West Frontier Province (NWFP) on Saturday.

Hours later Afridi pulled his dead cousin out of the rubble of a nearby building demolished by the explosion, almost at the same time when Zardari was attending a feast to celebrate his victory together with his family members and loyalists.

‘It makes no difference to us whether Zardari or someone else becomes the president of Pakistan. The Taliban will rule this area and our brothers, fathers and sons will continue to become the food of conflict between them and security forces,’ said Afridi.

This mistrust is widespread, particularly in the NWFP and the nearby lawless tribal regions, which are directly affected by the Taliban militancy spilling over from the neighboring Afghanistan.

Initially, the Taliban and al-Qaeda used tribal areas to launch cross-border attacks on US-led international forces after they invaded Afghanistan in 2001. In the following years, they turned to Pakistan, and have spread their philosophy as well as rule in the settled areas of NWFP.

How to stop and reverse the Taliban’s infiltration into Pakistan is perhaps going to be the foremost challenge for Zardari, widower of former prime minister Benazir Bhutto, as he takes oath as the country’s president on Tuesday.

‘People want him to deliver political goods and in the list of these political goods security stands at the top,’ said Rasool Bux Raees, a professor in political science at the prestigious Lahore University of Management Sciences.

He warns if Zardari fails, people might become disillusioned with the democracy and look for alternatives either in military or even in the extremist forces.

And he seems heading exactly in that direction. His Pakistan People’s Party has been running the affairs of the country for the last six months, since it emerged as the largest party in February 18 elections and formed a coalition government in the following month, but no effective strategy has been put to use.

Anti-terrorism efforts have so far swung between offering talks to the militants and stern action against them, and then again going back to unilateral ceasefire. This paralysis has strained Islamabad’s relations with its western allies, in particular Washington, in recent weeks.

Last Wednesday, the US carried out its first ground attack inside Pakistan and according to government claims, killed some 20 people, most of them women and children.

In response, Pakistan suspended supplies to NATO forces in Afghanistan through its territory.

‘What they are doing in our border areas is not acceptable. We have stopped supplies to tell NATO forces how serious we are about this,’ said Defence Minister Ahmed Mukhtar.

According to a defence analyst Talat Masood, another major task would be to repair relations with the West and take them to the level where they were under former president Pervez Musharraf, who remained a key US ally in the fight against terrorism for last seven years.

‘The new government will have to assure them that we will do whatever we can and ask them to appreciate the difficulties we face in tribal areas and that it is not an easy task we have been assigned to,’ he added.

Improved relations with the West would help Zardari to raise required funds to boost its economy, which has been deteriorating since the assassination of Benazir Bhutto in a suicide gun-and-bomb attack late in 2007, allegedly carried out by Taliban militants.

Pakistan’s economy grew at an average of more than seven per cent during the last five years as western governments poured billions of dollars into Pakistan as a reward for its support against terrorism. However, growth slowed down to 5.8 per cent in fiscal year that ended on June 30.

Overwhelmed by sense of insecurity foreign investors have withdrawn funds, initiating a meltdown of country’s stocks, which were further jolted by the political uncertainties set off by the defeat of Musharraf’s allies in this year’s parliamentary elections.

Pakistan’s rupee has lost around 20 per cent of its value this year against the US dollar and stands now as the world’s five worst performing currencies.

However, many believe Zardari’s top priority should be taming the inflation which surged to record 24.3 last month, also partly due to rising international oil prices. Food inflation has risen to more than 34 per cent, hitting hard millions of people who earn around 50 dollars a month.

‘I will assess Zardari’s performance on what he does for the poor people like me,’ said Irshad Ahmed a construction worker as he carried a bag of cement on his back in an upmarket neighbourhood of Islamabad.

‘I earn 6,000 rupees (around 45 US dollars) a month and everything is spent on buying food for my five children, wife and me. But we need more than that. My children want to buy new clothes on Eid (Muslim festival at the end of fasting month of Ramadan) and I do not have money for that,’ he added.

Many questions have been raised about Zardari’s alleged corruption for which he was labeled as ‘Mr 10 percent’ during his wife’s two- time premiership back in 1990s. He has also spent 11 years in prisons for the accusations he denied as ‘politically motivated.’

‘If he was to be elected through a direct general vote, he could never be chosen by the public since he has such a bad image,’ said Bengali.

But it can be improved even by a small effort. ‘He has only to demonstrate that he understands what the problems are and that he is on the right track to solve them.’